soalan cepumas

"No I am not the man i used to be lately..."

well lets see whether i can write some substantial stuff in this entry.

Its been two months or maybe slightly more than that since i came back for my third and final year.

I must say that its been an interesting year. Interestingly enough, i met a whole lot of different people. and experienced a whole lot more than my two years here combined. and i am glad for that.

It all has led me to think about my life, and what i want out of it. and i am slowly figuring it out.


"you met me at an interesting time..."

relationship talks have been somewhat of a cliche, but hey, sometimes we cant run away from them can we? What do you want in a relationship? figure that out yet? Are girls all that they seem to be, or is there this whole other side that we are just not seeing? or so we think...

"if my past is a sign of your future, you should be warned before i let you inside..."

Are we judged by our mistakes or by our triumphs? Do we live up to our expectations or the expectations of others? is it ever enough... can we change by learning from our past, or are they meaningless rhetoric musings of our tainted present?

"hold on to whatever you find baby, i dont trust myself with loving you..."

i dont.

p/s: This is to 2007, insyaAllah, it will be good.

The MIddle

6 more months....


insyaAllah

Now What?

"the first step to getting what you want out of life is this: decide what you want" - ben stein

what now?

Tired Rusty Ultimatum Sanctioned Toads (Chapter 1)

picture by negative-vision deviantart.com


Tennesse Williams said

"We have to dsitrust each other. Its our only defense against betrayal"

Do we not need trust at all, where in all essence is the root from which betrayal stems?

Why do we feel betrayed? It's because we put trust in someone, and that trust is abused. So is it as simple as Mr. Williams' quote?

Questions questions questions...

Now, i would really like to believe Mr. Williams, but again, do you think its easy going through life without someone/anyone to trust. I would like to believe that its a yes and no, the way it is with most things. In relation to trust, trust is earned. Its a reward so to say, to those acquaintances or people who have proven to you that your trust in them is warranted. Trust is something sacred that should be cherished, a gift given only to the deserving few. But then again, we must ask, how do we know who to give this trust to? That is something, sadly, i cannot answer for all... we know, only we know.

The reason why i say this, i mean why i said the whole preceding pragraph is because the few people we trust, the less chance of betrayal, for betrayal comes from people who dont deserve your trust, someone you barely know maybe, but still in ignorance trust is still given to them? but in my opinion, its not so much ho you trust, the point of me writing this is to examine the consequences of that betrayal.

Is it that simple to simply disregard that eprson and ignore them, cut them off completely from your life, i admit, that is indeed the desired route. However, sometimes we are faced, or put in a situation where this is just not possible, as this person could be at that point in time, someone who is "inextricably" ( ahahha, i am laughing silently as there is an inside joke regarding the use of this word) linked to us that we cant really afford to cut them off. So what should we do then, its not so much what we do, but what should the betrayer do? Sometimes they should try everything in their power or anything they can to earn back our trust, or in some cases, extreme cases i must say, we simply just close the door and leave them outside. What i am trying to ssay, something which is prevailent throught this blog as well as my principle in life is that there are always consequences for everything that we do, and in the case of betrayed trust, the consequences are bad, and it should be avoided at all cost.

I will get back to this topic of trust and betrayal soon, this shall we say, is just a teaser, this topic willl be revisited.

Fear Against Institutionalisation Towards Heresy

picture by Clayton Hansen: istockphoto.com

Issues of faith and religion have been ripe issues among the circle of people who i have been dealing with the past couple of weeks. so i am just updating this blog after months of silence just to rationalize some stuff.

What is faith? How do we quantify it? How do we acknowledge the level of faith that we have to determine how religious or faithful we are to whatever it is we believe in?

I ask these questions not beause i seek their answers but because i seem to find that sometimes people often misconstrue the principle and point of what faith truly is.

Faith, at least in my very very humble opinion, is up to our principles that we have as individuals or in lay man;s terms, self-belief. I do not need to abstain myself from the sins of the world to prove that i am faithful, nor need i contain myself from people who "seem" to be unfaithful to validate my belief in my religion and what not. i have enough belieif in myself and my faith that i am in control of my actions and that if i do anything, it is down to my conscious decision.

Faith should not control our lives, it should supplement it, complement it. And sadly, some people dont really see that. And when i say it boils down to one's belief in one's own self, i mean that while we should take into conisderation peoples opinions (sometimes) we should always remember that it is us, I, or me, who eventually decides, and how we lead our lives or how we make our choices dont really or shouldnt realy be controlled by the thoughts of other people.

We talk alot about how we are our own individual, the need to NOT conform, but why are there people who hypocritically do not practice what they preach? i cant possibly say its due to the lack of education, as most of us in our way, are educated to a degree. well, i guess there is no real point in me goin on and on with regards to why why why, i guess the reason why i am writing this is just to encourage my friends out there, to think...

it is said that absoulte power corrupts absolutely...

Eric Hoffer once said

"Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power"

think about that...

continuum

picture by Bev Hodson


"we're slow dancing in a burning room..."

Well, i partly named this entry continuum because i recently purchased John Mayer's new album and on a side note its a beautiful album. But on a serious note, i chose continuum mainly because its been a month since i have comoe back to Cardiff and life is pretty much settled, friends have come and friends have gone but still i remain.

Looking back on my recent entries, it seems i have made it my intent to ensure that things go well this year. I know it won't be a smooth ride but i believe that if i work through it, and if i "pull some strings", things will be done.

"It's not the storm before the calm..."

I feel complete, content but at the same time...?

"i'll make the most out of all the sadness..."

Randomness has taken to be a theme for me and a friend this year in Cardiff and on some level i actually enjoy that, its good to be able to experience these random things and share it with friends.

"this is the deep and dying breath..."

here is to a good year, God Bless

49

"Merdeka!" - Tunku Abdul Rahman

49 years, thats how old Malaysia will be in a few days. i am only coming to 21 years of age, so ask me, what is Malaysian?

It is Merdeka month, and i hear alot on the radio and tv about what it is being a true Malaysian? What is the Malaysian Spirit? Everyone gives their answers, and while i appreciate them, i couldn't help but ask myself the same question and oddly enough, i couldnt answer. I have been thinking about it the whole day but still... no answer.

Now, does this mean i am less of a Malaysian because i couldnt answer that question? well, allow me to try and rationalize my thoughts.

In my honest opinion, why is there a need to validate our feelings towards our beloved country only once a year? why do we talk about unity among the multiple races we have here in malaysa if the other 364 days in the year we are all so caught up in the little things that in essence reflect badly or give a bad impression as to this so called "unity" that we are proud of? If we really are proud to be Malaysian and are in awe of the Malaysian spirit, we should be appreciative of the vision that led to the formation of our country in teh first place and never let that falter, for i believe that when Tunku stood up that podium and shouted those legendary words, he wasnt only speaking for the Malays, he was speaking on behalf a nation, our nation. Alot of us tend to forget this, tend to forget why and what brought us here in the first place.

Please dont misunderstand me and think that i am trying to be the "grinch" of Merdeka, but i am just being realistic here, i mean, studying overseas has indeed made me appreciate the finer things that Malaysia has to offer that i cant get in the UK, i am grateful for that, i am thankful that my friends are a mixed and varied bunch, i appreciate this everyday *although do not show it, but i am feeling it* and this is what we should do to celebrate our freedom and independence, every new day we get we should be thinking of that day when the hands of our forefathers were raised in unity, key word being unity. We often find the word unity only applies itself to the majority of people when there is a major tragedy or catastrophe at hand, should it be that way?

i dont think so...

So i say, to celebrate 49 years of freedom, lets all take a minute and loook back, on our history, and maybe we get to learn something, it may be something we have learned before, but once in a while its good to be reminded. Reminded of what? Well, thats something only you can answer.

Happy Birthday Malaysia, God Bless!

Energetic Mental Oneness

"I have learned that you cannot want everything and do everything at the same time" - Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine (Unknown Issue)

Balance. Its the thing i think we all strive for but unfortunately takes alot outta us to achieve it. The thing is, can we really find that balance that we all look for?

I think we can. It boils down to a sense of realisation and maturity that only experience can give us. Sometimes we take things for granted only to find out what really matters in life when things around us f^%£k up. So i say, we can never really force certain things in our lives but to just let things happen the way it happens and only then when we learn is when we strive to make things better. BUT, its always good to not only learn from our own experiences, but from others as well.

*ramble*

Higher Enigmatic Altitude Lateralus

Its been a good few months since i last updated my blog, truth be told, i just havent had the time.

2 months, 5 incissions and one leg cast later, i think i may just have found the time. heh. So now, the new academic year is upon us.

"i had no little or no social life when i was in uni, but hey, look at me, i am being oaid shit loads of money now" - PWC senior partner, forgot his name.

This statement has somewhat laid an imprint in my mind and its something that i will never forget as this statement makes a whole lotta sense. I mean, most of us, we go overseas, we get the freedom we have always wnated and sometimes we tend to misuse that freedom, i mean there are of course some of us that balnce it well, and i guess i am one of those who doesnt really strike a fine or good balance, i mean i passed my second year, but i guess as they usually say, i couldve done better.

So now with renewed vigour, i hope that i have understood a few things and that i have done what i have done and will do what i am supposed to do.

HEAL

Holistic Appreciation Towards Energy

Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
Richard M. Nixon (1913 - 1994), in his White House farewell

Hate, its such a strong word, it has a strong effect on people, i mean what does it take for someone to hate another person?

They say that you hate people because u see something in them that you hate about yourself in a way, i guess to a certain extent that is true, but that cnat always be right... there has got to be something else that drives a person to hate; jealousy? spite? what? i dont know because i guess this particular topic or issue is pretty much subjective.

A few of the people around me claim that i care about what people think of me, i admit generally i do, i mean if there is someone here who says that they are completely unaffected in any way from what people think of them and that it doesnt bother them, they are just plain hypocrites who are trying to act all macho and cool, honestly.

I mean, like i said i do care, but i care enough to just want to find out what is it they think of me... i dont care if its bad or good, but i do want to know what they think of me, simple.

in relation to Mr. Nixon's quote; we dont have to succumb to hate just because someone hates us, cause thats just their game, and we should try very hard not to fall victim to their trap. U can ask yourslef why they hate you, but stop there, u never know, u may learn a thing or two about yourself but at the end of the day, it aint worth thinking too much about why people hate or dislike you, thats just the way we are. deal with it.

Journey

Pcture courtesy of flickerflamephotos.blogspot.com


They say its the journey that matters and that the destination aint really part of the experience...

How far do you guys believe this to be true?

do i believe this? well if the destination aint important, then why the hell do we have to journey in the first place?

i think that the both the journey and the destination are both equal parts in the experience. The destination is the penultimate, the goal, the end of that road, it is literally the end of the journey, hence the destination is what makes the destination worth it.

the questions we need to ask ourselves are why? why are we making this journey? what is our destination?

in fact the questions should be the other way round by asking what the destination is, the journey is important as well. I mean, it is through the journey that we learn,fail,succeed, live, die, prosper, perish, it is the journey that makes the achievement of reaching that destination that much sweeter when we get there.

The picture above if you notice shows a slight curve, winding road u may say, with a hint of bright white light, i am not gonna give you the cliched discussion as to what that whole picture means... it is open to your interpretation. Look at the picture and think about your destination, and how are you going to take that journey.

"One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." –- Henry Miller

And after you reach that destination, u see things in a new way because of that journey. So yes, live for the moment, enjoy the journey, but always remember, there is a concequence for every decision you mak ethroughout that journey, so choose wisely.

Impossible is nothing

Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance.
Samuel Johnson

Six Feet Under

Very few TV shows can do what SFU has done for me...

Lately, i have been thinking about DEATH alot, i know its a morbid and dark subject but lately its just been on my mind, when i was sick this past week, i actually felt as though i would have died and was scared of the fact. Alhamdulillah, i am fine.

A friend asked me what i thought Death was, and i simply said inevitable, which is true.

SFU;

A criticaly aclaimed tv series from HBO created by Alan Ball *of American Beauty fame* regarding the lives of the Fisher family who run a funeral home. The show primarily deals with death and the lives and story arcs of the caharacters are in one way affected by the deaths around them in one way or another.

i wont go into plot details as some of you who read this *if anyone does* may not have watched it and i wouldnt want to spoil it.

Needless to say, i watched the last few episodes of the Final Season as well as the series finale episode. I have never wept and cried as hard as i did when i watched these episodes; as i was wacthing it i just thought of the vulnerbaility and mortality of human life and in that we should always live for the day as we never now what will happen in our lives in the next second, minute, hour or whatever.

What i have learnt from this show is that , Life is important, we should fear death but not let that fear rule our lives. Being a Muslim, i do believe that there is a life after death in which we must prepare for and i will strive to find that balance in preparation for the two.

Apart from that , i have also learned to appreciate the people in our lives more, for as i mentioned we never know when we will lose them or when they will lose us. I discovered that through the loss, we sometimes will regret not having talked to them because we thought they were jerks, or irritating and what not, for once they are gone, we will never have the chance of actually letting them know that despite all we do indeed love and care for them. I am specificaly talking about the people around us who we care for and love, not the backstabbing bastards that occupy the same air space.

Always look on the bright side of life and look at the best part of their lives and our own, appreciate it...

Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.
Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956), The Mother, 1932


This post is dedictaed to Uncle Adil (Al Fatihah), May Allah Bless him and his Family

Baik Punya Cilok

" eh, best sial Baik Punya Cilok, you gotta watch it dude, its hillarious"

Baik Punya Cilok? I was quietly thinking to myself and wondering the credibility of this statement, i have not been a fan of Malaysian Films, well.. the recent ones like GK1-3 and all this ANak Mami and all that, i mean, there are people who appreciate those films. let me tell you now, i am not one of those people.

SO yes, here we go, before anything, let me introduce you the film's premise.

4 fishing buddies, best friends, each with totally different backgrounds decide to rob a pawn shop in order to "steal back" one of the characters Grandmother's locket that sadly got hit wit some pretty high interest with regards to the debt. So thats the story... kind of

I must say, i wa stold that this is something like Lock Stock, so i wwatched this film with the initial feeling that it could have been a Melayu version of the show in some way. I must say, in my opinion although that this film has elements reminiscent to those caper buddy comedy films such as Lock Stock, Snatch and what not this film posessed some original interesting elements.

The story had some pretty interesting twists, with what i must say full of interesting characters, look out for the "jiwang" hard man of the gang played so well by Awie.

One thing i enjoyed about this film was the humour and the dialogue *which over the past few days have been quoted endlessly among us friends* , it wasnt over the top and the humor was obvious yet somewhat subtle, something which i personally enjoy, There were some brilliant performances as i said by the likes of Awie and some notable cameo appearances by Harith Iskandar and Ida Nerina and many more.

I am running short of time here as i have to get back to my long delayed essay(s) , so this is basically just a shout out to watch this film.

gotta run

Captured Life

Captured Life

islet

islet

do check out this blog, has soem cool and well taken pictures.

A Cloud Of Unknowing

Painting by John Lynch " A Cloud of Unknowing "

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

-One of Murphy's Laws-

Never get too comfortable with anything or anyone. You never know what may happen.

Diversify

i will be posting and updating this blog with simple quotes and one liners, hopefully to those of you who read it you will be able to expound and interpret the meaning of these posts yourselves; for life is the interpretation of the things around us.

Cheers

Family Values

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.
David Assael, Northern Exposure, Family Feud, 1993

I miss home and my family.

The Space Between

"I maintain my sanity by keeping my distance. "
Luis Miguel

Mogwai

"dude, its hard to explain what kinda band this is.. its like Radiohead Kid-A with more guitars.. trust me, just listen, oh, and these guys are LOUD"

those were the words that intrigued me about this band called Mogwai, until the very first chord that was played i was still thinking how they sound like in my head.

Ironically, as though they knew that there could be first time listeners there, their first piece eased me in*i found out that this was generally their style, quiet/loud/quiet/loud* and it was kinda like their psychedelic atmospheric rock that i usually enjoy, then it hit me, their LOUD-ness, and the best thing is it was not like super heavy distortion or some shit like that, it was just beautifully loud. *my ears were ringing/partially deaf for a good three days*

well, the main reason why i am so dumbfounded by this band is that i kinda had a musical epiphany. I mean, how can people call Coldplay one of the best bands in the world when u have Mogwai here in the corner? and personally i kinda like how they write their music, its a pure collaborative effort and not just bound on one single person in the band, the way all of them exchange instruments during and after songs, with everyone playing more than one instrument is just amazing, their songs are simple, but engages its listeners with such awe and power that it transcends me. I mean, i may sound like a lil kid discovering candy or chocolate for the first time, but please understand, if u had not heard of Mogwai only to be introduced to them in all their glory, the effect stays for a while.

SO to the lads from Mogwai and my friend for introducing me to them.. i say Thank You. I have recently purchased Mogwai albums and am certain for a fact that they a brilliant. It was an expereince i shall never forget.

I'm mature or immature?

picture by Sebastian Homer : "Maturity"

"A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably”
Eleanor Roosevelt


Objectivity and Maturity often come into play when we are faced with emotinally driven situations in our lives. The thing is, i must admit that its sometimes hard to be objective when u feel hurt/crossed/ whatever but like the above quote mentions, we must recognise that its part of human nature for everyone to have a dark side or something about them that annoys you. In my opinion, it is the acceptance of this dark side that makes us mature, in a way to understand that everyone views things differently and takes things differently.

I have been guilty of not being objetcive and being immature when handling certain things thrown my way, i am sure we all have but the thing is that i have come to realise is that being immature about things do not get you anywhere.

The question to ask now then is how the hell do we become mature?

Hell if i know....

They say age doesnt reflect maturity, but i must say that to an extent it does, i am 20 now, and i can safely say that i am different than the 18 yr old version of me. I guess its easier to say that because when your younger your not as mature as someone who is older, but i think maturity is determined or obtained based on the level of experiences we face. I mean , maturity is part of an individual's learning curve, and in life we generally learn things through the mistakes we make, people we meet, and also experiences faced, from all of these things is where maturity stems from. Disagree with me if you think i am wrong.

But there is a flipside to this argument, sometimes it is those very same experiences that i mentioned above that will dampen the growth of our maturity rather than make us mature. This boils down to the individual itself i think, some poeple just dont learn and remain ignorant to the fact that they should appreciate the consequences of their actions and the experiences faced by them.

At the end of the day, i guess you cant really say or determine what it is exactly that would render us mature individuals, it is something that we will just have to ask ourselves constantly....

are we really all that mature?

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Dave Barry (1947 - )

Faith, or is it?

Living with the faithful who are faithless,

The Hypocrisy of Man on Earth oblivious,

Through the land, sea, Sun and the Moon,

They sit there wrapped in a Cacoon,

In this Universe with its origin Unknown,

They wait for it to be shown,

Take me to those places,

I want to see their faces.....


Snow Falls,

Water,

Air Rises,

Water,

Tears,

Water...


Are we living in a world worth living?

Or a world where to live, would be worth dying?

Should we strive to live, or leave?

What must happen for us to Believe?

Must we trust what our eyes perceive?

Or just sit here willingly deceived?

Looking Back: Part 2

A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards.
Karl Kraus (1874 - 1936)


Would you, if given the chance, change/alter every or some decisions that you have made in the past?

Think about it....

Looking Back : Part 1

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963), "Texts and Pretexts", 1932


its been almost 8 months since i have left home to come abroad to study. Then, before i came i decided that one of the ways in which i would find myself would be by leaving home and coming here to experience new things and meet new people and decide for myself as to what kind of person i wanna be. Those of you who read this and who already know who i am would most likely know that i associated the events leading up to my arrival here in CF as the catalyst of change for my being who i am today.

i still believe that....

the question know is what have i learned in this eight months or so, as i move into revision and prepare for my exams i think its best for me to look and see whether in this time i have become who i wanted to be when i first came here or have i strayed from that goal.

to be honest i didnt know exactly what i wanted to be like, all i knew was that i hoped to be the best i could be at this stage, learn as much as i can, and just live life to the full.

so far, i have tried a new sport and found that i think i am rather good at it. in playing this sport and being a part of this team i felt that i have achieved something that i have rather longed for my whole life, to be a part of a proper team and be appreciated. the level of commitment and dedication, and friendship that i have experienced here would be invaluable to me in the future. I have learnt to come out of my shell at appropriate times and learnt to be confident with who i am. Confidence and belief in yourself is something that is imperative in every individual to be successful in every aspect of ones life, be it education, social, business, everything. and this is one of the more important experiences i have experienced so far and will continue to cherish it. Going back to my point of self confidence and belief, this is important for the mental health of an individual as well. I have heard and seen people who live in self doubt and are depressed at dangerous levels that often lead them into doing things that are bad for themselves and the people around them. thats one thing i know for sure i have understood.

Secondly, i have come to understand that no matter how hard it is, never fall victim to first impressions. I know its the first impression that counts, but also consider the second, third and consecutive impressions people give. in a way, everytime u see someone its a first impresison. one day yous ee them and think one thing, the next day u see them and u think something else. Talk to them, listen, then judge. Like i have mentioned in previous publications, we often get too caught up in the moment and think " oh, we gonna be friends forever", or "he/she aint that bad" only to be sad when these people fall short of our expectations. Along with this, i have also considered the issue of relationships. I mean, who wouldnt wanna be in a relationship wouldnt they? but i have come to accept the fact that when i do go into a relationship it will have to be with someone i can truly relate to, respect and admire. for if i dont respect them, then no point.

end of part 1

Dumb and Dumber

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
-Unknown-

Whoever came up with the above quote is a smart man. Yeah, a smart man, although it may seem ironic that i talk about the topic of stupidity with the words of an "unknown". For all we know, he could be stupid instead of smart right?

The point is that no one is ever truly brilliant or smart or intellectual. We all are stupid. But it is about the people who abuse this privelege of stupidty is what i am concerned with. it is rather obvious that we all were not born with instant knowledge of things, we had to work and learn to get that certain degree of "smart-ness". The thing that annoys me most is the existence of people who are ignorant and oblivious to this fact. They act as though they know everything when in truth they dont really know that much and it is because of this they talk, act all with authority assuming that they are right and that they can never be wrong. And u have the equally dumb people surrounding them and echoing their snetiments which only fuels their " i know what i am talking about"/ "god-complex" attitude.

And this leads on to another irritating thing, insolence....

because of their god-like behaviour they end up being insolent, impertinent or in simple terms, rude.

And the best part is, tese people often mislead themselves into thinking that they are never wrong, and it is the other people that are rude to them.

Hence, what i am trying to say is, never let your lack of knowledge lead you to moments where you may directly/indiretcly offend someone, or get a bad first impression and stuff like that. if you dont know about stuff, ask or read, or watch tv, or do something. BUT dont ever be ignprnat of the fact that there are alot of things out there that we dont know and are unsure of, dont jump to assumptions and make conclusions based on the lack of information or knowledge.

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
William G. McAdoo (1863 - 1941)

p/s: this is in no way attributed to anyone i know, these opinions are mainly based on observations and so on. and i am also in no way saying that i am smart as well *refer above quote* =]

desire? committment?

If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.
Brendan Francis

Commitment. Desire. Most often the meaning or usage of these two words are intertwined or used together. Its understandable, i mean how can u have commitment without desire or vice versa?

The past few weeks i have been involved in something that required alot of commitment. Endless nights of practice, rehearsals, meetings, and so on.

Today, i asked a friend to give me a topic and he mentioned commitment. Hence i thought the experience i have been through the past weeks may help in this blog.

In my opinion, the key to having a solid commitment is DESIRE, hence the quote given above. Almost every aspect of our lives are in some way governed by a need, a desire, the intention, or passion to do something. Be it in love, work, or anything, if its without desire, its gonna be tough.

Lets go back a while, think about the older days when wars were fought. The one thing that kept soldier alive, was desire, and it is that desire that drove theri commitment towards their cause. understand what i am saying?

Anyway, i am moving away from my point. As i mentioned, i was involved in something that required the commitment of many individuals. I have to be honest with you, even i wasn't that confident with this project and did not show the commitment or dedication needed for the project. However, after seeing the Directors of the project sacrifice their time,money, and almost everything to ensure the success of the event I couldn't help but feel compelled to do the same. And since then, the desire to prove myself worthy of the job chosen for me and to work together with everyone is what i thought led to me committing myelf to this project.

In my opinion, the event turned out to be a success, all because of committment. For example, an individual known as WK contirbuted immensely to the project and it was good to see him smile after the event, everyone loved it and the faces of the people involved were all filled with content, and pure happiness. I mean the feeling to me cannot be described, it was simple euphoria.

Going back to the quote above, it just goes to show, if you want something hard enough.. u wnat to accomplish something.. you just have to do it with that desire... this desire would lead to a greater committment alongside the other reasons for you doing something.

But....

sometimes... we often overlook other things when we let desire get the better of ourselves. Desire is good, but sometimes when you are pursuing something that will gain you power, that desire of power often leads us astray. Hence, it is important to keep our integrity.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.
Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), in Good Housekeeping

Some people are wiling to lose everything in order to gain everything. one thing you shouldnt lose is your integrity....

think about it..

Think about it

THIS PUTS OUR WORLD INTO PERSPECTIVE.

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:There would be:

57 Asians21 Europeans14 from the Western Hemisphere, north and south8 Africans52 would be female48 would be male70 would be nonwhite30 would be white70 would be non-Christian30 would be Christian6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.80 would live in substandard housing70 would be unable to read50 would suffer from malnutrition1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth, 1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education,1 would own a computerWhen one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.The following is also something to ponder...

1. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.2. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.3. If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.4. If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep... youare richer than 75% of this world!5. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace .. you are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.6. If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.

Cult-ure?

Gothic: Of or pertaining to a literary style of fiction prevalent in the late 18th and early 19th centuries which emphasized the grotesque, mysterious, and desolate: a gothic novel. [This is the relevant definition in the dictionary. Think of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and the works of Edgar Allen Poe.]

But what does gothic mean in regards to the group of people? Here's where it gets confusing. There are things that many Goths like that are not gothic (Industrial or Classical music). There are things that are gothic that many Goths dislike (vampires, interest in death). There are things that some people think are gothic that are not gothic (bands like Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails), and there are things that do not call themselves gothic even if they are considered gothic by most people (bands like Sisters of Mercy and Dead Can Dance). However, there's no Grand Gothic Judge to decree what is truly Goth and what is not, although there are plenty of people who claim to be it. It's an ambiguous label with many people using it that don't understand what it means. The people who do understand it often have many different definitions.

this is taken from http://www.darkwaver.com/subculture/

now, after watching a concert lats night, which i must say was an alright one *comments on that will be done at a later date* i couldnt help but notice people between the age of 14-50 walking around in "Goth-like" outfits or styles. Reading the description above, it clearly says that sometimes there are misconceptions and misinterpretations of what goth really is.

The sad thing is, that i see individuals who succumb to societal expecttaions, or in this case a misntepretation of what society perceives Goth to be, firstly, the cocnert i went to certainly doenst warrant goth-like appearnces, Hell, even the bands that played didnt dress that way.... so one cannot blame the music and the musicians.

it is clear that its the people, a friend pointed out to me this old man who looked like he was a 105 walking around with the black t-shirt jeans look and piercings and accessories that would look better on a dog and the both of us (friend and i) couldnt help but wonder why people do this. It is one thing to be a part of a culture, i am all for that but one thing that we have to understand is if to have one culture intertwined with another that particular person or gropus of people thinks its all the same thing. Like GOTH culture and MODERN ROCK dont mix, like the description above said. somethings that are thought to be goth are not, and somethings thought NOT to be goth ARE Goth.

The same goes for hip hop, a culture that was started by the African-Americans, the history and culture of Hip-Hop stemmed from way back in the 70's where theAfrican-Americans were in need for their voices to be heard and where they needed an identity some can argue... Hip-Hop doenst only mean RAP, its funk, motown blues, james, from James Brown all the way to 50 Cent. Nowadays, people often come to the cocnlusion that if hey wre to wear hip hop fashion, they are no win the hip hop culture...

sad...

be proud of your own culture... we dont have to immerse ourselves into other cultures when WE do not even appreciate OUR OWN cultures. that will only lead to false-hoods and not being true to ourselves.

Appreciate the other cultures, but you dont have to live it...... get what i mean?

the history of Hip-Hop can be read at http://www.daveyd.com/raptitle.html

Love Actually?

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

I wouldnt call what i have experienced so far as LOVE, well, maybe once... but thats a story for another time.

What is it about the opposite sex that renders one un-intelligent, naive, and so caught up in the illusion of lust and love that we often forget NOT to have any expectations cause generally our expectations will never be met. It is like going into a movie thinking and hoping it will be great only to leave the cinema feeling like you just wasted a good portion of your day of life dedicating it to utter rubbish.

hahaha

now please understand that i am not talking about LOVE per se, but the illusion of it; some of us may think.... or usually in my case, I think too much and often get caught up as i mentioned above in the illusion or expectataion that i am loved when the sad, awful truth sometimes is that i am not.

I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient.
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, December 16, 2002

That is the problem, when it comes to matters of the heart one can either fuck it up or NOT fuck it up, occasioanally we get the middle ground where sometimes it just works. Patirence plays an important factor i think, or does it? I mean, one can pursue it quickly and make it work.... or u can either ruin it. the same thing when we wait, if we wait too long..sometimes it works.. sometimes that love just fades away....

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ), in Observer April 4, 1989

But then how do we know when its the right time?

I guess we just do.....

"Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" loosely translated means "that feeling in the heart" and this pretty much explains the above question, i guess no matter what, if u think u have that feeling, we shouldnt dilly dally but just go for it, as they say "what is it do we have to lose?"

Absoultely Nothing.

Happy Valentines

Collatz

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.
William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

someone once asked me or rather told me that he takes his hat off to me for being able to take or handle certain thoughts, words, or shall i say "insults" put forth in my direction. Now i am of the opinion that when someone insults you, or someone tries to show that he/she is smarter than you are, the bst thing you can do is just smile and let it pass. Why should u bring urself to their level by doing the exact same thing, there is no need to defend yourself or anything like that for it would be a total waste of effort and energy trying to do so. it wil be like water over a duck's feathers. it will reflect more on yourself rather than the other person if you were to say something back, by keeping silent you are in my opinion, showing a level of maturity or intelligence that should be applauded.

Now please dont think i am blowing my own horn here, i am just saying that, this is what i believe in and this is what i do, much to the difficulty of ignoring my inner voice that intends to break/smash/castrate/stab/ the people who often act like they are far more superior or far more inelligent when it an be clearly seen that they they dont know what they are talking about. well, we are only human, and i must admit even i sometimes fail to abide to the rules or principles that i stand for.... moments like those are when we realise that we r only human and are not perfect.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew.
Saint Francis de Sales

i am using the above quote as a conclusion to my first point and to begin my second point, or it an also be said to emphasise what i mentioned towards the end of my earlier point.

i once read somewhere, that someone shoud not be judged by their virtues but by their depravities because virtues can be faked and depraities are real. Hence, never be too quick in judgin someone because they seem nice or whatever... this is the lesson that we all will be constantly learning everyday for the rest of our lives. u see, its always easy to have principles and rules that govern our actions, but one thing we need to understand is that it is only through our imperfections or our mistakes is that when we can meassure ourselves as individuals, and by learning those mistakes and starting each day a fresh with the knowledge that past mistakes have given us that would make us better individuals.

this can be seen everywhere, through redemption in examinations, in friendship, with family... only through our imperfections should we be judged. so never be too quick in coming up with a perception of someone.

As for the Superbowl this Sunday... although i am a Giants fan, Go SEAHAWKS¬!!!!

2006

The real distinction is between those who adapt their purposes to reality and those who seek to mold reality in the light of their purposes.

Henry Kissinger (1923 - )

Hapy New Year and may you have a good 2006~

Well, for a so called new year's post i am a few days overdue, but hey, doesnt matter innit?

Every time it reaches that time of the year, resolutions are made, promises promised, secrets shared, laughter heard, celebration time. People make a big deal about new years, well maybe it is for some people and i dont have anything against that, it could have been a good year for you, you did well in your exams, finally found yourself a girlfriend, made that bonus or promotion, your baby was born, Great~!! celebrate....

but i personally find the idea of making up new year resolutions abit dumb, wait, dumb may be too harsh a word, let me try useless. yeah, better.

think about it, resolutions made are seldom met.

"i wanna be a better person.... wanna give more money to charity.... wanna find a girl... wanna get marrried.... wanna lose weight, etc etc" : on one level i admire and respect the idea of us giving oursleves goals to achieve like that, i think we all should have goals, but why make a big deal about something we say a night before the new year and forget when its already a week into the new year? pointless innit?

the reason why i put the quote up is because it made me think when i read it.

did it make u think as well?

we get so caught up in trying to make things around us change to meet our needs and demands. we hear people go, "why dont you do this to make the world a better place, why dont you do that so that he does better in school, why dont i dress like this to be cool, to be accepted, i must be this particular kind of person to get attention, etc etc" . it is in my very humble honest opinion that individuals like these are detached from reality, they try *as the quote suggests* mold reality to suit them, by molding it as in changing their very own "realness" by dressing up a certain way, by doing something for that supposed reality to suit themselves. However, it is the person who mold themselves to adapt and survive in the given reality that are people who are attached to it, who are real, who are connected to the essence of what being indivduals are, being REAL by being themselves.

do u get what i mean?

i hope you do...

think about it...

i mean, the greatest achievements of man have been in situations where we have to adapt to our reality, Thomas Edison and the lightbulb, Newton and his apple (gravity), Alex Bell and his telephone and many more. All these, adaptation to the reality that was faced by them. Thats what i am talking about.

it may seem that i m straying off topic...

i assure u i am not..

new year resolutions are pointless because we are creating instances in which we think we are molding ourselves to fit the reality we have seen *over the past year* , i mean, the reason why we come up with resolutions are to basically improve ourselves where we have fallen short. My point is, must we wait till the end of the year to come up with resolutions when the reality of it all is that everyday should be an adaptation to reality and not once a year? i mean, we can aim for something immediately after thinking about it without having to wait....

why wait?

u tell me...

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.

Maria Edgeworth, O Magazine, April 2004

This quote explains what i mean perfectly, we should take care of the moments, the moments in which we realise we need to adapt, to act, to make ourselves better, and only then will it be in the long run worth it. Eventually, we will meet our demands, at a reasonable and comfortable pace and level.

What were my new year resolutions?

*??????*

I will let you know when it comes

-n-